I think you just have to be willing to experience the pain without suppressing or sedating. Not fun, but not as bad as you might imagine. It's not necessary to cling to the pain either. That's something to keep in mind as well.

Me either. I'm listening to Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly. She does have some specific actions you can take. I remember one thing she said was to treat yourself the way you would a friend. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.

I've found that treating myself harshly doesn't work. It's counterproductive. I do understand why you think that way. Healthy self-discipline is definitely good, but harsh treatment will backfire - just as it would if you tried that with your child or your pet or your employee.

I tend to think nothing is truly wasted. At the very least you can use your painful experiences to increase your compassion for others who are struggling with the same issues. (It's funny how we seem to be the most judgmental of those who have the same 'flaws' we perceive in ourselves. We can turn that tendency around.)

There's a kind of meditation you can do on the spot. When you feel something 'unpleasant,' you stop and extend compassion to everyone else who is in the same situation. You aren't alone. In this case, you could send compassion to all the people struggling with feeling 'stuck,' like they're wasting their potential.

None of this stuff is easy btw. It's hard to change habits of a lifetime. And your thoughts are just habits you can change with gentle persistence. Just don't get judgmental when you fail, because if you try this stuff, you will fail - repeatedly. It's taken a long time, but recently I've found myself occasionally automatically going to the new thoughts I'm trying to cultivate. If someone angers me, for example, I might move into trying to see things from their point of view. Doesn't mean I always act the 'right' way, but I don't feel as self-righteous while I'm acting out. And not feeling self-righteous really cuts off the fuel that feeds the thoughts, the feelings, and the behavior.



Would you tell a friend in your position that they were whining?

Ah, but I came here today to report that I haven't kept up with it well over the last week. And my mood isn't as good as it was. I can honestly say I don't feel angry with myself. A word that Pema Chodron uses a lot is 'curious.' I'm curious about what's going on.

When you can shift to curiosity instead of harsh self-judgment, you're shifting your mind from the amygdala to the frontal lobes I believe. Then you have access to your resources, and you can do something productive.

In my case, my sleep has fallen apart due to things beyond my control (a noisy neighbor and my son getting home late from work - I stay up in case he needs to talk when he gets home). As a result of the lack of sleep, the exercise portion fell apart too. And a bit of rumination has started.

No problem. I can get back into the groove. I had the sheriff talk to my neighbor about the noise ordinance, so it's peaceful here again. Not sure what to do about my son coming home late, but at least that's predictable, so it's less stressful.

Yeah. I get a lot of my social contact at work. My biggest worry is what I'll do when I win the lottery and quit my job.

I do think it's useful, but it's not like face-to-face contact. I think we need that.