so my fiancee or ex i dont know which refuses to call me to let me know her feelings shes on the boards today. were both members here she joined after me. i have 2 days left and after the 27th i dont know what i will do. im out of meds (thinking of taking the rest) i cant get help here in AR, im starting to abuse drinking. im starting to abuse myself for the first time in a year since last time we split. ...(crying).... she miscarried last year blamed it on me and i killed myself.... i really died but i woke up the next morning.. i had enough lithium in me at the time that i should have died now i wish i would have because she says i hurt her. i guess its hard on me from my family standpoint.. i dont have a job or money i cant get the help i need... she is getting the help i want so bad ... i have no one here to talk about my problems with except you all.... i hacked her facebook again and all that i could to see if its over.... i pray that its not i dont want to lose her on our 23rd month anerversy..... the only place that i want to talk to her is here i want to work things out then i want to once were broken up and clear i just want to go into a hole for a few years .... (still crying).... i wish where i lived had help like she was getting... but come the 28th i dont know.. i dont know if i deserve help anymore cathy gave me everything that i ever wanted a family someone i could trust and she turned on me all because i hung out with our frinds when we lived in PA then i did it to her with my cousins friends in TN ... i knew nothing before her ... she was my first in each way... and i have made up my mind about what me and her jokeling talked about... theirs no point my life is a waste of money on my family and theses friends who are not my friends.... cathy was the only one that i loved and trusted .... i wish i could tell her it all know.

i miss my father he died in 09 i just want his advice. he died at 54....... i cant even see the screen guys im done for right now... well i hope that i will be ok...if im not on for a time message explodingpies shes a member on this forum tell her i love her and to live her life.....