I havent posted here for a while, mostly because I have been messing up so much in my life and I didn't really know how to ask for any support, or how to just vent. But I think I got up the nerve to do it.

I was threatened by some guys at my school, they said they knew that I was raped and about everything that followed. They told me if I don't give them what they want, they are going to get what they want no matter what. While they were threatening me, they cut up my chest very badly. So I have been skipping school for a long time just to stay away from them.

I started smoking pot again, and I hate myself for doing it. I know I should just stop right now, but I cant.
I have been cutting myself like crazy, I just cant stop. I hate myself so much.

My depression is just horrible, I cant do anything. Most of my day, I'm just sitting there staring with a blank mind, but then when I try to sleep, my mind goes psycho, and I cant stop thinking about how horrible and worthless I am.

My T left me, thats the second time that has happened to me. And since I have no real family, I have to find a new T on my own, but I just cant get myself to do it. I dont deserve a T, I dont deserve anyone, I am back to doing everything I had worked so hard to get away from, no one can help me any more....it's like I'm non-fixable.

Anyways, I really missed you guys, and I hope I can get myself on here more, I'm going to try.
Thanx for listening to me blab.
-Megan-