Hello...
I guess there's so much of this here... kinda hate to add to it all. :-\ First post, too, but I'm never positive so I guess this is all I'd ever post. I'm just in a restless mood tonight, went surfing for somewhere to talk, ended up here. You'd think I'd be somewhat positive since I actually got a job today after 10 months of rejection everywhere(even fast food). But in the long run, what's it matter? I'm sooo messed up... not diagnosed with anything... won't happen either since I don't have money to seek treatment, not that it helped when I did before. I know what's up with me, anyway... I'm 19, been depressed since I was 9, off and on self abuse and eating disorder-behavior, lots of being suicidal, and social anxiety. Think I've developed borderline personality disorder... it'd figure. But I'm so quiet. Actually got desperate enough to send an email to a couple I know a week ago for help, but that was abnormal. While they want to help and I have a few numbers I could call now, I could never call. Hate troubling people. Only way I could imagine calling someone was if I were on the verge of suicide, if I'd do it then. But I feel like I'm getting way too closer to that point. Think I've finally given up hoping for things... eh, probably not. Do feel crappy today... trying not to eat, but ended up having Goldfish and a few pieces of candy... drat. Self-control's hard to maintain when the "it's pointless" demon comes around again.
Eh, well, that's me I guess. Never really been anyone else, can't imagine ever being different. Hello, anyone who bothered to read this.