You are not alone. I have been without my child now for 4 years, and have not seen him for the same amount of time for any length of time. (a couple times I spotted him around town but we were unable to talk to each other.) His dad has nothing to do with this since he is dead. I dont have my child here at home because he is in a residential treatment program due to his own violence, suicidal behavior, and so on. My child will not be coming home to live until he turns 18. he is now 13. I do have visitation when he is stable and his therapist says he is ready.