Welcome to the group Pandora. I don't totally understand your situation, but I do understand much of what you have said. I grew up in a family that "should" all over me. Doesn't do a person very well. Take one step and or instance at a time. I found in my own experience, this didn't happen overnight, it is a way of life (although I am pretty much estranged from most of my family) it will take time to learn how to live more positively.

As for partners in our lives, we often choose unknowningly (and sometimes knowningly) people that parallel the very behavior we wish to get away from, but it has become or was our norm.

Little steps. This is a good place to start that...and just posting, is the first in the right direction. Welcome aboard.

hugs, Lisa