WHY do I keep thinking about calling you? I resent how much space you take up in head and my heart. I'm so ticked that I want your reassurance that I am not a horrible person. I should be able to do this myself, the way I always have.

i know that's not true, actually. i have never reassured myself that I was not a horrible person. I have always thought I was horrible and just tried to live with it. I am such a mess these last couple of weeks. back and forth. back and forth.