Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
But, I want to default to old patterned responses which is to put up the emotional barricade and be as aloof as I can. Ah, it feels good to protect myself that way. So much easier than to face the unpleasant emotions. Being dead emotionally is safe but I also realize it inhibits the full experience of living a vibrant life.
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Nobody's stopping you if that's what you really want to do. Free country and all that. You are at a fork in the road and you do have a free choice. But I kind of think that if you really wanted to do the same old thing, you wouldn't have posted about it and you wouldn't be struggling with it now.
In my experience, choosing not to reflectively respond in an old comfortable fashion and making a decision to consciously, deliberately go in the direction that I want to be can feel really liberating and wonderful. Before making that choice, however, it's basically h e l l . You may feel better if you act rather than think about acting.