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Oh, the friend-zone, a zone I am not that familiar with but one that I have experienced nonetheless.
As I said in the Men's forum, I don't make an effort to ask these kind of questions or make these kinds of forums anymore because there never is an answer I can understand; indeed, asking questions about relationships or women I find leads to more questions and vague non-explanations.
Confidence, I am told, is attractive, and that is what women seek in a man. (I hate this advice – it's so cliche and hollow IMHO.) But the interesting thing I find about confidence is how to acquire it – how does someone who has no supportive relationships develop confidence to be attractive?
Volunteer? I do that but I am not confident. Join a club? I am a member of a club and I am still not confident. All these do is provide brief, feel-good moments, not help me develop confidence.
It's like experience and employment. You need experience to find employment, but where do you acquire experience if not from employment?
Moreover, the fact that confidence is treated as the be-all and end-all is absurd to me, because how many of us have low confidence? If it is such a common human condition it seems irrational for that to be the defining feature of whether or not a woman likes a man (or for anyone to like anyone else). Frankly, while others might disagree, I think there are far worse characteristics in a potential partner than low self-confidence (ex. cheater, manipulative, hurtful, abusive, etc.). Confidence, to me, seems like such a shallow attraction.
What I think makes more sense is what my T told me a few months ago – that relationships don't define but reflect back who we are.
Really, I think we need to be more honest with each other, because I don't think it is helpful to anyone if we all dance around these mysterious social interactions and be totally confused with what the other is doing and what they want.
Apologies for the long rant.
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