I am really happy for you that this issue has resulted in insight, peacefulness, and a plan for what you'll do differently in the future.

I just wanted to add that I do not see anyone on this board as an "abuser" based on what they have written, and that would include you. I just don't get that whole line of thinking, that someone on an internet board could say something that could even come close to the experience of being abused, that would constitute them "abusing" someone here. I think that I always have difficulty when someone says they feel like being abused because of some understandably upsetting or distressing event or interaction but one that does not include actual abuse. My reaction is usually-- and I say this as a survivor, that it doesn't make sense to me that anything but abuse could feel like abuse, because that experience (for me) was so uniquely horrible that nothing that has happened to me as adult (and I have not been abused as an adult) mirrors that experience on any dimension. I'm not sure exactly what my point is, here, except that the idea that things other than abuse can be experienced as "like abuse" and people who are not engaging in abuse can be considered "abusers" on this forum-- these ideas are profoundly disturbing to me. But that's my issue, not trying to make it yours. Just my association with what you said.