Well, I just got back from visiting the neurosurgeon. It feels like I'm more confused now than when I went in. It sounded to me like he was telling me that there is not much wrong, except a need for increased muscle strength. I think he said the problem was "postural." I responded with "That doesn't really make sense to me." He replied with, "Then you need to see another doctor."

This doctor seemed pleasant enough, initially. There has got to be something really wrong with me, personality-wise, that I manage to elicit such responses from doctors.

I guess the message is that they are not going to be drawn into some debate. That shouldn't surprise me.

He says the numbness in my fingers (#4 and #5) probably has nothing to do with my spine. I believe he believes that, but I don't.

I just have seen so many doctors be so wrong.

One good thing came out of it. I will start getting physical therapy soon. He said that would be the first thing to try regardless of what was causing the pain. So I guess it worked out okay.

I have to start remembering not to argue with doctors. Once they give their opinion, that's it. They are not going to kick it around with you.

I left there disappointed, but many I learned a larger lesson.

I think I go in hoping that things will be explained to me in an illuminating way. Maybe that is expecting too much. He's a surgeon. Once he see's that there is nothing wrong with me warranting surgery, then he probably figures it's time for him to move on. He said, "I've got other patients to see." I really wish I had someone to bring with me to doctor visits. I think they get away with not being very respectful when there is no witness. My boyfriend's mobility is so impaired that he can not come with me. I'm alone, and that is just that.

He asked about my psych meds. I'm thinking that it is a mistake to even admit to taking psych meds. I told him I have a lot of anxiety about my neck. At that, he smiled broadly, seeming to say, "That's a lot of your problem."

On the paper I got, it says Diagnosis: cervical myofascial pain. I'm supposed to go back and see him again in May.