Confidence in yourself has to be built, and can be an on going task. Most people are not just born with it. It doesn't come from clubs or volunteering. Maybe that could help but really no, it comes from within.

It would be hard to build on it if you do not see the importance of it. It is one thing that allows people to take risks to persue goals, to change what they might need to change, challenge themselves, to carry on even through difficult times. It helps create more healthy balanced relationships, it helps create happiness in life.

In relationships.. It has a direct effect on how we relate to others, from what we can give to what we can recieve, how we interact, how we trust, how we work through issues, how we see our partner. Basically it has a direct effect on "how" we love ourself and others. How could that not be important?

Cheater, manipulative, abusive, can all come out of low self confidence as well. Not that everyone with low self confidence behaves that way, but it does not cultivate long lasting healthy relationships and brings many problems to the table with it. Including doubt or acceptance of the otgers persons love for you.

Mr.V, I don't think most people are lookin for someone with perfect self confidence, as that does not exist and self confidence does fluxuate at times, but are looking for someone who values them selves and is self assured in their abilities. Which translates into the ability to both love and be loved in a healthier way. If relationships reflect back what we are, what does the relationship of people with low self confidence look like? I know when I had no self confidence and had a partner who didn't either, the reflection was quite scary and painful.

Just because people have low self confidence and do not change that, doesn't mean we should just say.. Well lots of people do it sooo we shouldn't worry about it. I say people do it, not as judgement but it also is a choice, to remain in it or change. There has to be self accountability about it changing or it will not change. No matter how we got there. It is not healthy, it does not create peace or content in ones life, much the opposite. That is hard to overlook. I don't believe that anyone can not cultivate self confidence. If I cannot be confident in myself, then I probably cant be very confident in my partner, or in the relationship, or in life itself. It can create a lot of doubt. Someone who has no interest in working on there own self confidence might also not have interst in changing other things as well, and that might be why people are wary. Change is often how we get through life and feel fullfilled. Life does require change. That is my opinion.

I hope that makes sense, I think it is an important factor in our wellbeing.

Confused, I don't think that is what the therapist meant. Not that your partner is a reflection of you but the relationship itself, still a relationship is more than one person, more than one reflection. Realationships still can work even with low self confidence, but honeslty it does create problems, and could be easier and healthier with healthy amounts of self confindence.