My mother also had bp & could not get successful treatment for it (was also an alcoholic so I'm sure that didn't help). I have very little memory of my childhood, but the ones I do have are not good. I actually was relieved when she committed suicide when I was 15. She was finally at peace. (I'm not recommending suicide in any way. It had major bad effects on me & my family & if she had held on & had hope she might have been able to try the newer drugs & treatments that have come out.) The memories I did have used to contribute to my depression greatly. I would ruminate on them & feel the pain & fear all over again.

Therapy didn't help at that point. It only made me sadder to try to remember things. When my husband came home & I was even more depressed he would say, "I see you saw your therapist today."

Once I got on the right meds I found these bad memories (the few that I had like having to call the police when my mother was beating up my brother or her kicking me out of the house & calling me a ***** when I was 12 & I didn't even know what the word meant) didn't affect me as much. I got the attitude of yeah, I had a lousy childhood, but my mother was sick. It wasn't personal. She couldn't help herself & I have a pretty good life now with two grown kids, a safe environment, a mostly supportive husband & a few friends I have met through support groups.

Sorry for rambling, but I needed the correct medication to make peace with my past & not have it affect me so much today. Maybe that would be helpful for you, too. I really think the meds I am on are miracle drugs for the difference they have made in my life.--Suzy