Thank you all for your help, it's much appreciated. You've given me lots to think about...I'm just so tired of feeling desperate for him to be here for me. Part of the reason he is here is he thinks he is helping my son feel better, and that really is true at times because my son knows how depressed and anxious I feel when I don't want to be alone. So thats my fault for not handling being alone well, crying and calling my husband to please be here. I know I need to get independent, so I've been doing my best not to ask him to stay here wth me. We do have seperate homes. The other reason I think my husband comes here is convenience. He works early hours and his job is 5 minutes from here. He also has no water running right now at his house and wants to shower here. I feel kind of used, his home is really disgusting and I think he likes to be comfortable here, doesn't have to put his wood stove on etc. Roadie, I know he isn't helping when it comes to my son, the verbal abuse happens to him too. So why I think I need his help, I think is just my depression and anxiety and helpless feelings. Even though I feel used, I'm so used to having my husband around I feel like I cant do things on my own. I dont know how to get past that.
Yoga and exercise is a good idea.. but nothing will reverse how my body has become. I think if he constantly looks at ideal looking women it must be hard for him to want me..
I've asked him why he is here and sometimes his answer is " I just dont know"...or if its with a counselor he says he loves his family.. but he sure doesn't treat us that way