Hi Taonuviel,

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I just want to suggest a few things that might help. First of all let me say that I was messed up at 19 and thought about ending it all, but I didn't and I'm really glad. Your life can get better and you have the power to make it better. Tomorrow I want you to get out your yellow pages and start calling counselling services. Some of them work on what they call "sliding scale" where they let you pay what you can afford. Don't give up til you find one. You can also talk to someone for free: a pastor, minister or priest-- even if you're not religious. You can also talk to your primary care physician and tell them you are depressed. He or she can prescribe Paxil or Prozac which can do wonders for you. Don't give up on yourself. You are a valid and worthy human being. What about going to your parents? Chances are they love you and wouldn't want you to be dead. If they aren't supportive, what about a favorite aunt or uncle?

Keep posting-- there are some wonderful people on here who have been through so much. You're 19-- you have your whole life ahead of you. You can make your life into something amazing and positive.

Another free resource to help you is the library. Go and check out some self help books and read, read, read. You can give yourself a bunch of free therapy. I did that and it helped me become the person I am today. I don't fight with depression anymore. Just OCD and ADD.

Next, find a creative outlet and go with it-- playing a musical instrument, writing, singing, drawing, photography, acting or crafts of any kind. So many people could begin to conquer depression if they expressed their creativity on a regular basis. There's a great book called "The Artists Way" that is a wonderful tool for people that don't know how to get their creativity out. The library probably has a copy.

And my last suggestion is to get out of the house and do some volunteer work. Even if it's for one measly hour a week. You will feel much better about yourself when you are doing something to help someone else. Just do it, like Nike says.

Please keep us posted on your progress. Now go to it! Use your personal power to make yourself well and then shine your bright light in your community and to the world!

-Kelly