i have a little story to tell.

today when i went to a coffee shop i had many people staring at me that came in and out. one lady watched me for a long time. i realize it was because i was talking out loud and someone here said "miming". yea.

i had originally never thought of it as loneliness. though it makes sense. i havent left my house but maybe 2x a week for 4 years now. sometimes less. rarely more. unless i have to like for doctors.

when i first realized it i would try and stifle my talking but i could not since it is partially unconcious - you know. and then partially maybe because i hear voices inside sometimes that make comments or say funny things or want to say a
conversation and i respond.

i dont try to stop it anymore. i just let it happen. after so long i had a realization that the stress of trying to "normalize" was well... stressful. i actually quit trying to stifle that and most of my behavior. i am me and i need to accept myself more. but im still pretty embarrasssed about my dx of schizophrenia.