it's all i can think about. every time i went to the bathroom at work today, i self harmed. i can't get deep enough for complete satisfaction. i am seriously considering admitting myself to the hospital. i am terrified though because i just asked my husband for a divorce and i don't want him using it as an excuse to get custody of our son. i just can't stop feeling like this. i hate it. the only time i feel good is when i am bleeding.