I am ok during the day. I can kinda cope with myself. But as soon as I get home. My depression multiplies by a million. I feel hopeless and dead. I don't even feel like blinking. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I don't want to die. But I want to be dead... I don't even know what I mean... But that's how I feel.

I don't want to eat ever again... Or I want to eat everything and hope something kills me... It's like my mind's goal is to ruin my life.

WHAT I WANT is to go to the hospital and just tell them everything that is going on. I want to tell them about everything.

WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN is I will have to get up, get dressed, work, go to school, work, come home, work, get ready for bed, lay in bed, then get up and do it again...

Some days I'm talking about college and my business and how I'm going to be the next American idol and how I'm going to be famous and how I'm going to be up there next to Albert Einstein and George Washington and Mark Twain....

And other days I attempt suicide. I can barely get myself to walk to the bathroom when I have to pee. I just want to disappear.

I don't know what to do... I'm just stuck... I don't want to be like this any more. I love being happy, except I have too much on my mind... And I hate being depressed like this........

All I want is to be in a hospital, talking to people who understand, and being taken care of. Without my family.... But I can't have that.

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