I am kind of convinced I am in denial of "depression." I don't know if this a subconscious thing I am doing or what. I have had close friends and family members go through depression, and I completely believed and supported them. But with me, I just don't believe it. Is there a reason?

Basically, for 2-3 years, I have been dealing with dsythymia apparently. Long years filled with a milder depression.

But I've also had multiple episodes of major or clinical depression, which overlaps my dsythymia causing what is called double depression I believe.

I've talked to counselors, adults, and teachers that all tell me I have depression, I've researched all about it and have many symptoms, and I've taken the online diagnoses.

I have suicidal ideation a lot as well.

I honestly don't believe I have depression though. I don't know if this is a fear of treatment or that I just don't want to admit it. Am I trying to stay sane or something? Also, I believe I have nothing to be depressed about. Sure the occasional bullying, but there are people who have been through so much worse and are okay. But I really do feel awful and horrible and lonely and suicidal.

Does anyone know why I feel as if I am in "denial"?