Quote:
Originally Posted by xmoonbeamx8
Last year I was hospitalized for a few weeks. It was one of the most terrifying things to be left there, but the worse part is how I miss it. It makes me feel so wrong and broken for missing that place, but as much as I thought I was going to feel stronger in a place like that with people who needed more help than me I learned how much help I myself really needed. I've always been trying to help everyone else, why did I never see this about my self. Why did I feel like in the past year that was the only place I really fit in. I've been wondering this for so long, and each time I think about it I cry, what kind of person does it make me to miss being in a hospital. I dont want to be there, but it just felt right, the people made me feel right.
|
XmoonbeamX8,
What kind of person does it make you to miss being in a hospital?? A good person who is struggling and brave enough to ask for help and Still have to face the hospitalization process.
Its been 9 monthe since my last hospitalization and I still miss it sometimes, usually when I feel hopeless and helpless. I was suicidal for months but I wouldnt go to the hospital because I HATE the emergency room. I wanted to find a way to bypass that step. The ER staff talk about you as if you were a potted plant, referring to you as "another SI". The only thing that kept me hanging on was my T. I think he dreaded sessions with me during that time.
I've been hospitalized quite a few time in the past few years and its always been the same. I kept to myself, ate alone, sat at the edge of every group session, never sharing just listening. But after awhile I heard something I could relate to and Id move my chair closer to the group and jump right in. After awhile you feel like a little family. One person was the father figure, another the mother figure.... and before I knew it I shared my pain with others who were struggling and I shared theirs. And sometime I even felt that something that I'd said helped someone. It felt good to be able to put my arms around someone and tell them that its going to be alright and things will get better. After awhile I began to believe my own words. That gave me the strength to believe that I could function outside of a locked ward. Dont feel bad because you miss the hospital. I think its normal to miss something that made you feel like you were not alone. All you have to do is read others post on this thread and realize that youre in good company.
Writing this makes me miss it. This sounds weird but I have alot of good memories of my stays in the hospital. . I dont share this with people who arent members of our club. They probably wouldnt be able to pay the dues that we've payed, lol. Feel better. I'm thinking good thought for you.