I'm so sorry. I don't know what I would do if I lost my therapist :-(.

This is zero comfort, I know, but: What you're feeling is totally in line with the BPD stuff. You are not a bad person and neither is your therapist. You realize that you are having a "temper tantrum," and that is an excellent insight. You learned something along the way, maybe from that DBT stuff *tired grin*.

But it's not just a temper tantrum. It's an awful loss. And yes, your therapist carries at least some part of the responsibility for the blurred boundaries. It's mega tough to keep boundaries intact with BPD folks, but it's still the t's job. I hope that the t is actually taking some responsibility for that and that you are just not hearing that part right now.

Yes, you take longer to get up than some others do. But you WILL get up again and you WILL make it work. Unfortunately (can you tell I've known a lot of people with BPD? lol), therapists and just about every other helper are prone to treat that diagnosis like the kiss of death and it sucks. Too many people also forget that the person who hurts the most is the person with the diagnosis.

The sun will rise tomorrow. Life does go on. And you have every single right to your feelings. Just stay safe while you are feeling them, okay?