I stopped for my girlfriend, now wife. I found the guilt and shame outweighed what SI did for me. I found it to be a coping mechanism that let me feel stop feeling despair for a little while. I thought feeling numb was slighty more bearable. It's been 8 years since I last did it, but I still feel the urges too when I get really depressed. I hope you find another way to cope with what is going on in your life.