Wow wow wow. Thank you so much for the responses guys, I am actually a little overwhelmed and SO grateful.
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Originally Posted by Apteryx
I don't have a lot of wise advice to offer about how to talk about this with your therapist... but maybe talking about why it is hard to talk about it might be one way?
Could you write down what you are thinking and send to her or show her? Even just show her what you've written here?
Thank you for reaching out here and telling us about this.
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Funnily enough most of my sessions so far have been about why I can't talk! It is definitely getting a little easier though which is a relief. But yep we talk about why I can't talk all the time.
I'm not so keen on the writing down thing though. I think it's because I find it so hard to talk that if I started to do things by writing it down, I would never be able to talk at all and would only be able to write so I just think that by only giving myself talking as the option it might help me to talk in the long run? (does that even make sense?!)
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Originally Posted by feralkittymom
What seems bizarre is that I'm pretty sure in hindsight it was an indication that I'd reached a level of trust and attachment to him and to the process that there was no turning back from. It was a combination of knowing he wouldn't leave, and fear that I was connected.
I also experienced extreme concerns about his health, and had recurring thoughts that my toxicity would harm him. I think this was all about my fear of the acknowledged attachment.
It sounds like you know you are attached; the fear just comes with the territory. I think your T recognizes this too because she keeps asking you about the relationship. If you can just get out a few words, out loud or on paper, I think she'll help you to say the rest. I know it feels awful, but when I felt that awful, it was a way to avoid moving forward in the process because I really was afraid I'd destroy him--and then there would be no hope.
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I think you're right. When I started in September I think I was really afraid of becoming attached because I noticed every little thing she did wrong or that annoyed me and would constantly remind myself of that. But I'm kind of afraid of becoming attached just in case it goes wrong and then it would be worse. But meh that's something I'm trying to work though!
But also yes I relate so much to the physical health kind of thing. I don't know anything at allll about my therapist but I suddenly started thinking, what if she gets ill? What if something suddenly happens? What if she gets pregnant or something? Or a family situation and she has to move away? I mean something that neither of us could pre-empt? And I don't really know how to bring that up because I feel kind of silly for worrying about that and embarrassed, because again I just don't want to feel like I'm getting attached.
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Originally Posted by elliemay
Wow! I do understand how you feel. I feel absolutely contagious sometimes in therapy, but that has never proven to be the case.
There is nothing that comes up that can't be dealt with as long as you both talk about it. Nothing.
I'm not sure all therapists have a "reason" for becoming therapists. Some are just fascinated by humans and human behaviour. I would try to stop attributing things to your therapist that are unlikely to be the case.
My therapist was very very thin, but that's just how he was. No eating disorder - he ate like a horse. Jerk.
Anyway. I get it. It does get better, just keep trying to talk and open yourself to the help that is offered.
You'll make it. It'll be okay.
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Thank you! I'm going to try and bring it up tomorrow. I don't really know how I'm just going to at least try!
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Originally Posted by Sannah
Thawing, it sounds like you are taking care of your T a bit? Other people, like friends, can't handle big issues but your T is trained and it sounds like she is pretty capable because she is trying to get you to talk about the relationship. I'll bet she can handle anything you bring her way. Good luck in being able to share all of this with your T. Do you have a plan on how you might approach it?
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I hope she can but I just keep having doubts! I don't really know how I want to approach it. I know I want to apologise for being in a bad mood on Thursday and I know she'll probably ask how I felt about thursday's session. I was thinking that if I say I felt/feel really bad about it then I know she'll probably ask why and then I can say I'm afraid because I don't show my bad moods around people and if I do they can't handle it and pretty much anyone I've shared it with, I don't talk to anymore. I'm hoping that will take it from there?
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Originally Posted by earthmamma
It's not really about T. She is just a smoke screen. By bringing those thoughts/feelings into the theraputuc space they will be relived & resolved.
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I really hope so. Thank you
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Originally Posted by Syra
I did hurt my therapist, badly I think. I didn't know it at the time. I never would have said what I said if I had known it would hurt her. And I am so much better off for having been me, than avoiding certain topics, or censoring myself, because she couldn't handle it. She's being paid to handle it - and either she gets her own supervision to help her, or I leave, or she leaves me - and although painful, any of those options is probably a good thing. I can make different decisions about how to say things, but I can't become someone else and constantly be worried I might say something that hurts her when I am feeling no ill-will towards her and trying to sort out my chaos.
I can imagine you might be in real turmoil over this. IT's hard to think about dealing with my deepest warts and they not being acceptable. or handable. I imagine it's very scary.
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Haha but this just makes me worry more! I don't want to hurt her! In a way I wish I could ask if there's anything I would say that would hurt her so I know to avoid the topic but then I also guess that's the point of therapy, not to have to censor anything. Maybe I'm just hoping for some reassurance from her, I dunno.
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Originally Posted by My kids are cool
I struggle with the feeling I'm going to contaminate people if I tell them things about me. I tend to only discuss certain things with people AFTER they have indicated they have experienced something similar. There were things that took me what felt like forever to discuss with my T for that reason. And then after we discussed them, he reassured me he was not contaminated and he had heard worse. It's hard to trust, but the healing happens from getting the stuff out there and looking at it without someone who is at least a bit impartial and help you see that whatever it is, it is not something that makes YOU disgusting.
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Thank you so much. You're right. I'm going to try and bring it up tomorrow and I hope it helps.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I do not believe a therapist can be hurt over a client's issues or past or what the client explains or reveals or pick your verb, about the client themselves. That belongs only to the client. It cannot contaminate or wound or whatever the therapist. That a client may have the same issue a therapist deals with is not the concern of the client. It is the concern and responsibility of the therapist to either limit their practice to those who do not have the same issues or for the therapist to deal with it. It is not the concern or responsibility of the client to protect, take care of, protect, or worry about the therapist. It is not even possible, in my opinion, for a client to protect or take care of a therapist unless the therapist fails to maintain even the most minimal professional boundaries.
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I guess you're right. When I was told I was going to see her, the person referring me told me she'd worked with a lot of people my age with the same issues and had helped them get better. So I can't be the first patient with these problems that she's had! I just worry a lot (had you noticed?!)
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Originally Posted by content30
I know this is easier said then done, but it seems to me that the best thing you can possibly do is to unload on your therapist. You mentioned that you have had some relationships end because of your need to unload, and this is one of the reasons that you have your therapist there...so that she can take that load, so that she can help bear it.
So, here's to hoping that you can jump in with both feet in over your head in your next session. I really hope that you do...please do.... In the end, you will feel so much better if you can do this (like a pressure valve releasing the steam). Best of luck to you! Please let us know if you are able to share more with her (your T) in your next visit.
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Thank you! I really wish I could just unload, soooo much. I will definitely keep you all updated
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Originally Posted by Antimatter
I totally understand this. I told my T that I was afraid that he wasn't going to be able to handle my emotions during my first month of therapy with this T. He said, "I CAN handle your emotions." It was a relief, and it has helped me disclose some of my less than friendly emotions. Thus far, he has absolutely been able to handle them and help me with them. I think telling your T this is a good start. Keep us posted.  |
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Originally Posted by ECHOES
The usual suggestion to 'talk to her about this' applies.
It's important for her to see all of you, in every mood you are in at the time. It is who you are and helps her to know you better.
I felt the same way as you, and thought of cancelling a session because of my mood. When I told my therapist that I had considered doing that, she assured me that she wants me to come no matter what mood, and that she welcomes all of my moods and that it helps her to know me better. She needs to know (especially because I have a hard time verbalizing, especially when depressed) how I'm feeling and what happened (internally or externally, or both) that caused my mood to shift. It's very helpful |
True true true true true! In fact she always mentions that I seem to 'find it hard to bring things to the session' so I mean while I don't want to be there when I'm in a bad mood, and I feel so bad for showing her I'm in a bad mood... well at least that way I guess she gets to see what it's like for me?!
Anyway this is a longgg reply so
in summary! I'm going to try to mention all of this tomorrow. I don't really know how. I'm just hoping I don't completely freeze up once I'm there (sigh). But thank you SO MUCH for your replies and suggestions and I will let you know how it goes!