I see something of myself in your post, Poorlittlefish.

You care for a cat and bake for your colleagues -- this is not an issue of selfishness. It's almost as if you personify money and seek to prevent money's 'suffering' by being wasted.

In the world of OCD, which can accompany depression, some talk about the fear of causing harm to others. I don't know if this applies, but it may be something to investigate.

Personally, I was and am troubled I never did enough for my late dog.