Hey everyone. I just have to thank you all again. It means the world to me that you guys are such caring people. It's rare to find people like you here in the real world. I dunno, maybe I'm just around the wrong group of people. And the fact that you get how I feel makes me feel that, for the first time in my life, I'm not just whining and rambling about feelings that aren't really there. Like I said, people around me don't think of depression as something 'real'. So, honestly, thank you.

I'm sorry, I wish I could express the amount of gratitude I have for this site and for you all some more. I'm just a tad overwhelmed at the moment.

These days there was a whole bunch of fake smiles and pretending everything was a-okay.
Have you guys felt that you're just walking around in a daze, as if you were on autopilot? saying the things that you're meant to say, laughing at the appropriate times, that sort of thing?
Well, today I suddenly snapped out of that, and all of a sudden, my sadness took over me. I had to excuse myself and lock myself in the bathroom for half an hour to regain my composure. It was one of the rare times I just broke down in public. I just want these feelings to end.
But, I came home and read these posts, and I felt better. Finding proffesional help right now is slightly difficult. And if I talk to someone, I'm scared I'll be put down again. Even calling a hospital may draw attention and result in people judging me, so for now I just have to try getting through the day. But I feel I can take it one step at a time - the first step being here.

and RomanSunburn, that description really helped while i was having an anxiety attack. The serene enviroment plus trying to force the positive thoughts to overcome the negative.
oh, and I'm 20 years old and I've felt like this for about 5 or 6 years, I think. I'm not sure. It was kind of a gradual transition. It started with starving myself and throwing up to 'look good' and it just got worse from there. It used to just be about how I looked, but with time it became more than that. I can't put my finger on what exactly, it's just everything. And it's no longer a once in a while feeling, it basically has become my life.
With help and time, do you guys know if it gets better? in the long run?