Hi Palmtree ~ You've NEVER had any proof that he's been cheating, right? You've never had any proof that he's done anything wrong, right?

Bless your heart, you're really making yourself miserable, and what for? You seem to have horribly low self-esteem. And you have lots of other issues that need dealing with too. Like "Confused" said, you could really use the help of a therapist. And I'd try to get into see one soon before you LOSE your boyfriend! Have you talked to your boyfriend and told him about the issues you have? Have you told him about your fears, etc.? If not, you should. You should have a long discussion with him, and let him know what's going on. Otherwise, he's going to walk out that door.

Talk to your medical doctor and have him refer you to a good therapist. You need someone to talk to about all this. Therapy WILL help immensely! It will help you get rid of all this garbage that you've been carrying around for years. Please call your doc, okay? And let us know what happens. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee