Hi "Frustrated" ~ Wow. You are painfully honest. That's a good trait.
You say you can't afford therapy. My friend, You HAVE to afford therapy!!!! There is NO OTHER WAY OUT of this! You've got to find SOME way to pay for it, because without therapy, you're sunk. There is no other answer.
You have too many issues for us to even TRY to help you, and besides, we can't diagnose and treat mental illnesses anyway. All we can do is advise -- and MY advice is to ask someone to pay for it, get a loan, or whatever --- but definitely go to therapy!!! Otherwise, you're wife will leave and you'll go on being the same person you are right now. Without the tools to know HOW to change, it just won't be possible.
I wish you the very best. My prayers are with you my friend. God bless and please keep in touch. Hugs, Lee