(((((((((((Sailaway)))))))))))

I cab honestly say that I know exactly how you feel. My T suggested to me at the beginning that I should write a story about it... in the third person, like you. The goal was to write the story with as much emotion as possible, even if I didn't feel the emotion... even if it is how someone else might feel. This was the most difficult thing I had to do... it took me forever, writing about one line at a time... but I did it eventually.

The next step was that I should read the story to him, and after that I must rewrite it in the first person. It was horrible, and then I had to read it to him again.

It has helped me so much and I can talk about it now with him, discussing certain aspects etc. It gave me a sense of freedom, like my emotions was on paper and not inside me so I don't have to deal with them right away. Certain parts I did not even write what happened, but only the emotions, abstract stuff etc.
Either way, spilling your guts for the first time is one of the hardest things you'll have to do.

And please don't blame yourself... think of what you would say to someone else if they had gone through or done the things you have, you would also tell them it's not their fault. No one can expect a child to make decisions about things they are not supposed to know off, let alone experience!