Hi hamsterbamster....thanks for all the thought you put into this. I really appreciate it. When I said I wish I had the same passion I meant from him. I am depressed and that is part of why I don't think I can just find another man who would appreciate me the way I am. You made me feel like you understand about how I should accept that my body may not obey...its very true..I can't change some things about it. And you're right...there has to be men that don't fixate on perfection... its not all self talk.. he use to be affectionate and now even if we are intimate he avoids touching most of my body...and when I said begging its not because I want to...thanks again for listening and taking time to respond to me