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Potentially triggering -- please take care of yourself ...
I wrote here last November of facing the fact that I was not the only child in the room when I was victimized by CSA. I saw him, my age, trembling, trying to find his clothes, trying to escape. I know his name.
I have been in recovery for some 15 years. From day one, I was determined to look at the past, see it's truth, own that truth, pushing aside any fear. And I have done that. Until now.
I'm going on three months of knowing that there was another victim there with me. But I don't want to look back at what I witnessed. I feel myself fighting looking back, fighting really hard. But it won't go away. I feel it there, something compelling me to turn around and look. It haunts me all day long. The other part of me, for the first time since I entered recovery, is refusing.
Why is this? I need help. Guesses are welcome. Have you been through this too and are willing to share?
Be well,
mtd
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