I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like I let you down. You're trying to help me and I won't let you. I hate myself for that. I wasted your time. I was not compliant because I refused to feel anything. I just stared out the window and distracted myself. Totally disrespectful. I'm so sorry. I'm scared to cry though because the pain is deeper than anyone can ever imagine because I cover so well. I've never sobbed in front of anyone. If I cry as hard as I do when I'm by myself, then it gets pretty bad. I don't want you looking at me. I'm used to lying on my stomach and crying into my pillow or putting my head down on my desk not sitting up on a couch. I've been practicing though. I know I'm weird. I don't look forward to our next session at all. I'm guarding my feelings because I have to live with the pain. I'd rather hide it so I can be distracted by current issues than to bring up past ones and have to deal with double pain.