I am sorry that you are suffering with so much on your plate. It is great that you do have some support IRL, but it's hard to put so much stress on one person's plate. I can imagine that you wouldn't want to scare your hub away by having to listen to your fears & concerns day after day. Holding those valid emotions and experiences inside isn't healthy either though. You really do need some medical and emotional support now!

Like Rose 76 and yourself, I've also faced a lot of issues during my childhood that were rather traumatic. I stuffed those problems down as deep as I could, but as I became a teenager my self-control became out of whack for awhile. As soon as I regained some stability in my young adult life, my issues came back with a vengeance & I've been suffering ever since then.

I have seen a whole heck of a lot of T's and pDoc's. Some were nice and supportive, others were fresh out of school or something. I am now legally disabled, and all of my doctors are provided by government assistance. Thank goodness! I have learned a few things in my many years working on mental issues.

1.) You can go to the ER ~ they have to provide you with help. Not just in the moment help either, but they assist with setting up long-term emotional support so you aren't in the same state of mind just a couple of days later.

2.) Social workers can be terrific resource at finding local possibilities for you. I highly recommend looking into getting a social worker assigned to your case in the county that you live in ASAP!

3.) Another tip: volunteer to help others. There are so many programs that really need volunteers to help, and helping others really helps us get out of our internal misery for a while. I've worked in soup kitchens and assisted the elderly ~ Both were terrific experiences for me. It really did help put me into a better state of mind, even during really dark times.

I hope that you gain the hope and assistance that you're searching for. Very best wishes to you and to Psych Central! btw: I agree with Rose 76 about your name. I hope that you do change it someday to something a little more positive.