Oh Spirit
It sounds as if, like many of us, you are your own worst enemy, when we should really be our own very best friend. We are all still learning and struggling. I think thats what we are supposed to do. Like me you are 47. That's still a baby, and you have the rest of your life to move on, be a fantastic friend to your wife (who sounds amazing), be the greatest Dad, and try to be the person you would like to be. Just take one day at a time. Sometimes life sucks, but tomorrow will be better and you never know what is around the next corner. Good luck and keep posting.