Amy...

I am so very sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now. I was in a marriage where I didn't love my wife. I simply got tired of her manipulative behavior, emotional blackmail, using threats ... the fear, obligation and guilt. It was hell and I wound up looking to my kids for an emotional connection. I was so very close to my kids which made my divorce even harder because I miss my kids so much.

Unfortunately there are no easy answers to your situation. But, whatever you do you need to place your children first. I would hope that you and your husband could agree on that. You also need to get to marriage counseling and make sure both of you are committed to making the most out of the process. I went through counseling for a year. But, admittedly I was "going through the motions". If I had to do it all over again I would have given it 100%. With four kids in teh balance both you and your husband owe it to them, and to yourselves, to give counseling the best shot.

And, speaking from someone that has gone through a divorce, the grass is not always greener. Your husband married you for a reason. There had to be love there. Once you have kids, especially four of them, life gets real busy. I think a lot of couples just don't place their relationship as the number one priority, and it should be. The kids need to be taken care of, mom and dad play chauffer, then there is work, paying the bills, taking care of the house and on and on it goes. What often times comes last is the marriage. When, in fact, it needs to come first because that is the foundation upon which everything else is built.

Some may say that a divorced man is not in the position to be giving advice. But, I would argue that I am in a very good position to give that advice. Because, I have gone through it and seen the negative impact that it had on me, my ex wife and my kids. I am not sure if my marriage could have been salvaged. My ex wife exhibits the same negative behaviors now to my kids. But, I could have given it my all. I could have insisted the therapist work with us to change those behaviors. Instead I threw in the towel.

Sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband. Go to counseling. And, first and foremost.... place your marriage as the number one priority. ALWAYS find time for you two to spend together ALONE each week. Say I love you every singel day. Write a note and leave it in his suit pocket. Do all those little things that you do when you are courting. But do them all the time. Remember how good those things made you feel? It felt good doing them and it felt good to receive those things. So do them. Reinvest in your marriage. Give it your best shot. Make sure your husband gives it his best shot.

I came VERY close to committing suicide. Went to try to kill myslef a couple of times, but could never go through with it. Then I admitted myself to the hospital. I did all I could to get out of that hospital as it was not a pleasant experience to say the least. I left too soon and began to withdraw. I became suicidal again. I didn't call my kids, didn't see them. I hid from everyone. I began thinking my kids would be better off without me. Until one day my son discovered me at my apartment. The look on his face and the tears of relief from him and my daughter made quite an impact on me. I know how much they love me and how much they need me in their lives, just as your children need you in their lives.

You owe it to yourself and your kids to give this the best shot. Do it right the first time. Don't go through the motions. Give yourslef, your husband and your kids enough respect to do it right. And, make sure your husband does the same.

Good luck.