You're right, Dark.

I left home to get away from a very controlling mother, and never thought about leaving home and being strong on my own. I thought I had to get married to move out. For some reason, I thought I would be a grown-up if I had a man in charge fo me, instead of being in charge of myself.

Terrible thinking for a girl who had always prided herself on being somewhat of a feminist.

Now I know it's all up to me.

But you're right about all of this being normal. He needs to become a man on his own, and he can't do that with a whining mother.

My mother has always set me up for failure, and I still hear her negative voice in my head. I don't want my son to think of me that way.

But I still feel bad about the things we never got to do together. Trips we didn't take. Mainly because I was never successful enough to make enough money to go do these things.

And I hate the idea of being even more alone than I feel right now.

Someone suggested I start dating, since I have not done so since at least 1997. The idea does not excite me at all. Just trading one set of troubles for another.