my wanting to leave was not because of the other person. it was because I was disgusted with myself. I can't ever forgive myself when I do crap like that and it escalades in my head and heart and never seems to stop until I do something drastic.

please don't blame the other person. this was all me and I accept that. I started a thread called "talk" and I spoke to the other person in it and they gave me what I couldn't give myself. Forgiveness.