Hi and Welcome to PC! I'm sorry that the church has hurt you so badly but it has been my experience that organized religion is not for everybody. I left the church that I was raised in many years ago for the same reasons that you left yours. I have found another way to worship that makes me feel good. You said that you are feeling the need to go to church but you don't want to. It isn't necessary for you to subject yourself to something that does not make you feel loved and wanted. I might be able to help you. PM me if you want to talk.