I am scared that I have an eating disorder, but at the same time I don't fit into bulimia, anorexia, or over eating. I took the EAT-26 and scored a 40(anything over 24 says it is probable that you have an ED). The thing is, I am scared to get help. I'm scared of what others will think. I am scared I will gain weight. I am already overweight.

Here is what I go through...

I over eat at times, to the point I put on around 10lbs a month. I don't eat a whole bag of chips or anything, but I eat 2 or 3 plates of food at supper, and it doesn't matter what I eat. Even when I am full I cannot stop. I feel guilty the whole time I do this.

Eventually I feel so guilty, but cannot stop, that I start taking diet pills, laxitives, or make myself throw up. It feels good so I continue to do it. As I lose weight, I start obsessing over being thin.

Eventually I start dieting. Usually starting out healthy. But when the weight doesn't come of quickly I begin to eat less, and I start taking diet pills again. I obsess about exercising but I usually only do it for a week or two, hours each night, then I just stop. This time, I have lost 21lbs in 5 weeks.

Then I realize that I am shouldn't be doing this, or my husband takes me out to dinner. Once I fall off of my strict diet... which is usually only a small supper, like fish and a veggie... then it is like I lose control. I begin eating more, and as the weight comes back I lose hope. Eventually I start over eating again.

My weight has fluctuated from 160 to 200 to 169 over the past year(there are more ups and downs, but that is the beggining, highest weight, and the weight I am now). I have went through this since I was 12. I am so scared of gaining weight, yet somehow I always end up gaining a lot. So I go from overweight to obese.

I can't find info on any ED that sounds anywhere close to what I go through. I don't think I am ready to seek help officially, but I do want to learn more about what I am going through.

Sabrina