Hi Ineptitude, welcome to PC. You certainly have a long list of "diagnoses" but from what I have learned, often a person who is struggling with PTSD, can have quite a few dianoses, but in reality, it is really all the symptoms that are presented with PTSD that mimic the symptoms of other disorders.

I am sorry that you didn't find "therapy" helpful, my guess is that you didn't have a therapist that truely "specializes" in treating patients that struggle with PTSD. I had gotten to a point with therapy where I felt like you are discribing, but I have found a therapist that is experienced with treating PTSD and it has made a big difference in how I understand PTSD and am finally working through it and making gains on it.

I did see a psychiatrist for a time and he had a long list of all kinds of medications to try as well. And like you the only thing I found "helpful" was the Klonopin. I no longer take that drug, but once I found the right therapist, and finally learned "why" I am struggling and also began to understand PTSD better, I slowly worked my way off of the Klonopin. Klonopin can present side effects that can either cause someone to "gain weight" or "lose weight" because it is a "sedative" and slows the metabolism which can contribute to the lack of desire to eat, or binge eating. It is also a "depressant" which can add to the already "depression effects" that present with PTSD.

I am not surprised that you didn't connect with the other patients in the hospital.
I am not surprised that the meetings you had with the "psychiatrist" that ran that ward only gave you so little time to talk, that happened to me too. The reason why you didn't really connect with the other patients wasn't really you, or because of your problem. In that atmosphere, what I found was that the other patients were on so many medications and so self absorbed and lost, they didn't really have the were with all to interact with me in a meaningful, productive way, infact, they actually frightened me.

I think you are heading in the right direction inspite of what you didn't get. The truth is that a therapist/psychiatrist is not going to heal you, you are going to heal you. What really helps though is having a therapist that actually knows how to help you learn how to do that and be there for you when you get lost and confused. I consider myself very fortunate that I have a therapist who "gets PTSD" and is there for me as I work on "helping myself understand it better and work on learning how to overcome it".

While I understand you might not feel a therapist will help you, I hope you will keep an open mind, because there are good therapists out there that "can" help people who struggle with PTSD. And they will know enough to tell you what I am sharing with you about how PTSD is often very misunderstood and a person can be diagnosed with other disorders, when what they really suffer from is "PTSD".

A good book to read is Judith Hermans "Trama and Recovery". I wonder is that might be the book that nurse told you to read.

Welcome to PC, I hope you get the support you need here, keep working at it, it sounds like you are on the right track.

Open Eyes