it isnt a "fix" for your problems, it will make you worse in the future. to hide your feeling and pretend they dont exist can be fatal because there is no way you can keep them hidden forever, so when they emerge it will hit you so hard and make you even unhappier than you may be now.

it doesnt matter what people think of you, nor what they expect you to be. why should you be who they want you to be? you are your own person alf and you dont have to be a certain way for anyone. you are suffering depression, and although you are unhappy now, it will not be forever. if you continue to talk and face the issues that make you unhappy, you can defeat it for life and then you can return to being happy but it will be genuine and you will be stronger, and will be able to face problems that come your way without being unhappy to this extent.

please, trust me, trust pegasus anbd always when we say its not the solution at all. i can see why you feel its the only way, i went through that stage myself. but you have to keep at it and get through it. you can do it, and you will be so much happier afterwards, and you wont be living a lie.

take it easy on yourself, dont beat yourself up...you are doing great ok. just keep talking about things and let people help, then things will get brighter, i promise.

speak soon

simon