So I know I need to bring it up with the p-doc but you guys know me much better than he does. And I will bring it up with him first, I just want your opinion first.

I have gone through the exercise of revisiting my life story to separate situational symptoms from endogenous. I ended up with 95% situational symptoms. And even that, heavily colored by how ex described them. Say I had just a few periods when I became resentful and he called them manias. So I have disregarded all that.

What I am left with is the following:

-- Shopping and spending. Cannot deny that. The never used shelving from the Container Store is still sitting in my living room. So, definitely done that. And the accumulation of similar things. From the same Container Store, I once bought, on sale, half of their Christmas gift bag collection. Go figure why. I could not have possibly been invited to Christmas parties by so many people. But high quality, artistically done gift bags so I wanted a lot of them. Eventually freecycled them. And, rented a big house beyond the needs in 2005. So, grandiosity in consumption.

I do not do it anymore. I imagine that Lithium helps because as soon as I started taking it, I became a careful, frugal shopper and I no longer want to buy out half of the IKEA catalog. I went to IKEA yesterday, calmly bought plates and bowls and silverware, and left. Did not wander around. Was not attracted by stuff.

-- A couple endogenous hallucinations, a couple hallucinations induced by pot, and a couple hallucinations induced by Seroquel.

-- Sleep disorder that started several years ago. Need a little help for sleep. OTOH, ex sleeps on a mix of Baclofen, Elavil, and pot, and he considers himself just a psychopath with no organic illness. And lot of people in this country take Ambien and Lunesta without having ever seen a p-doc. But still, sleep issues and bipolar go hand-in-hand, and I do have sleep issues.

-- Two encounters with completely triggerless anxiety lasting a couple of weeks each. Went away by themselves. One in 2012 and the other in 2011.

-- Over the years, have acquired problems with self-care that are very typical of bipolar people.

-- On a few occasions, liked concurrent attention from multiple guys. Not having sex with everybody but just enjoying the attention. Was excited by it. Does it rise to the level of hypomanic hypersexuality?

And that is it. The rest - suicidality, the suicide attempt, despair, etc. - were 100% situational. The suicide attempt, in addition, was provoked. I never told you guys about it, but it happened after a conversation I had on the phone with ex. He was going to run in a hilly park but called me and started the usual conversation about how awful a person I was. The usual stuff. In the course of this conversation, I conceived of the idea of suicide (because I was such a worthless and dangerous person, right) and verbalized it to him, adding that I would first sell my mom's apartment to provide for him and the kids and then go away. He said: "Why wait? We will manage on our own." So, that is a little unusual. Not everybody who attempts suicide is first so strongly encouraged by their family members.

So, once again, organically, I have had: shopping, self-care issues, and sleep issues. And a couple of hallucinations. And four weeks of anxiety during my whole life. And that is it.

What is it? How is it called?