{{{Zinny}}}
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If i could leave home i would. and i dont want people to think he is some horrible person, He can be so sweet and protective too.. He just has these moments where he isnt my brother and turns into someone else.
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I understand. He can be your brother who you love, and what he does when he is angry can still be wrong. I understand that you feel like you need to defend him--that's what we do with people we love. He can be basically good and still be hurtful, even abusive, to you at times.
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I think Mum gets it better than Dad, So she lets me go out when i need to and she understands i struggle being at home sometimes, and cannot deal with him.
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I'm glad it feels like your mom gets it, a little. Can you have a conversation with her about your fears of your brother? Can you ask her to help you develop a safety plan for when he gets out of control?
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It's hard to explain he hasn't hit me hard enough or used a closed fist on me for a long time, now days its more of just poking me in the arm for ages hard, or pushing me around... Compared to alot of people it's nothing, so i feel bad for complaining you know?
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The fact of the matter is, if you do not want to be poked or pushed, you have a right to be free of it. You have the right to be left alone. We all do.
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And well i just think he might have some mental illness or something. you know, and well if i can try get him help it might make him happier and less easy to become angry
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You are a compassionate sister. Perhaps this is one way you can raise the issue with your mom? This might be a way in to the conversation. If your family goes for therapy together, your brother's difficulties can come out into the open--and so can the effect of his actions on you.