Im sat in a hotel room,,, alcohola and pills aplenty.

I don't feel I have the bottle to do this right now but I know as the beer goes down my inhibitions will fade.

I'm feeling very suicidal. I want help but I want to die at the same time. How does that work?

I don't know what to do

Impulsivity is at bay as I type this but hysteria is mounting and I know this calm I've been feeling for the last few hours is going to wash away very shortly.

Im wishing all these years of pain will end... It hurts that it hurts so bad xxxxx