Please call a friend, or a sui hotline, or your therapist if you have one. You need to talk to someone right now. I know that it is hard to reach out, but you need to let someone in real life know how badly you're hurting now so that you can get help.

Please do not keep drinking. Stop right now. The more you drink, the more danger you're in.

Consider going to the ER. I know that it is a drastic step, but you sound like you're in a really bad place right now. You need help.

You need to stay alive.