Sabrina,

Have you talked to a professional about what is going on with you? (1) Any time you are concerned that you might have any kind of disorder, it is causing you distress, or it is interfering with your ability tolive your life, it is appropriate to seek help, regardless of whether you feel that you officially meet the criteria for anything. (2) Why not let someone qualified decide whether you have a disorder and what it is? (3) Not to try to take the place of professional diagnosis, but what you are describing sounds like it does meet the criteria for one or more eating disorders. Binge Eating Disorder is not included in the DSM yet, but the proposed criteria are earing an amount of food within a discrete period of time that is considerably more than what would be appropriate and expected, a sense of loss of control, and marked distress (I'm paraphrasing as well as I can remember, so this isn't the exact wording but close). The criteria for Bulimia Nervosa (also paraphrasing as well as I can) are eating an amount definitely larger than what would be appropriate and expected, sense of loss of control, purging (which may be vomiting, use of laxatives or something else to speed the process along, excessive exercise, and/or fasting, etc.), the binge & purge behaviors occur on average at least twice a week, and sense of self is tied to weight/body image. Maybe your binge/purge cycles are longer than what is typical, but what you are describing sounds like that cycle to me.

Getting help is not going to make you gain weight, especially when you are not underweight so weight gain isn't going to be a treatment goal. In fact, it will probably help you to have more control over your eating habits, and hopefully be able to stop the fluctuation and maintain your target weight. Besides that, this is obviously bothering you, and you deserve to feel better than that. Nobody needs to know, apart from the person who treats your eating disorder, who will understand it and not think bad of you. People are more and more sympathetic about eating disorders these days, and you will probably find that they will support you and mostly be pretty understanding.

You can start by talking to your doctor about it, or you can go to a nutritionist with experience treating eating disorders, or a psychologist or other therapist. I hope you will let us know how you are doing!

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}},
Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>