blimey, i was pretty much reading a peace of writing about what i went through 3/4 years ago. i was exactly the same as you are now. i would stay in bed all day, it took all my energy to get up, then when i got up felt really run down and tired so id go back to bed and cry. i didnt have a job. i didnt have friends, nor did i have family that were willing to help. i know EXACTLY what you are going through and the only thing i can do now is try to help you through this.

firstly, its not a good idea to take your mums medication, it is dangerous to take medication that isnt prescribed to you directly. unless of course in painkillers etc. but tablets as powerful as anti-depresants are not good tot ake without consulting your doctor.

may i ask, how old are you? im guessing you are around 16/17 years old?

dont worry about isolating yourself away from yuor so called friends. you dont need to be hearing their problems right now and you need to be focusing on yourself. allow this time that you have to work on yourself. i got through what your going through by spending 50 mins a week at councilling. thats it. nothing more, nothing less. i just wish i knew this website existed. you are certainly at the right place on this site, and its good to trust us here, we cannot and will not let you down. we are here to help and hopefully, thats what we will do.

its not laziness that stops you doing anything, its the fact that your body is using so much energy trying to heal itself that it has none left for everyday activities.

do you ever feel like crying? if so, cry...let it all out. and if it doesnt help, cry more.

before i was struck with severe depression i had friends i use to go out with everyday, but as soon as i stopped seeing them, i heard nothing from them, unless they wanted someone. so i turned my mobile off and didnt answer my home phone if ever it rang. its not a bad thing to isolate those in life you dont need, its gives you the opportunity to purely focus on yourself.

allow yourself to fall. sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you are able to climb back up. i did get suicidal when i was in your situation, and i nearly took an overdose. but at the very last second i dropped them and realised there is a way out of this, and from then on i was determined to work my way out. i had hit rock bottom then, and it had to happen for me to realise the way out. but im not suggesting you try this, i was so lucky to get out whilst i still could. others arent always as lucky.

you really should see a doctor, even if its going with your mum but making her sit in the waiting room whilst you talk to your doctor. your mum wouldnt have to know what you say then. you need to look into local therapy/councilling. this will help you so much. unfortunately, you dont really have a choice in this, it is essential you see your doctor, and there is nothing stopping you except yourself, so you need to find the strength to just frce yourself to go and tell him/her all about your depression. they may put you on anti-depressants, but they should give you information on local therapists/councillors. i went to my doctor at alone at the age of 15/16, im sure you can. i see a councillor that is free, its a government funded one, its the same one i started seeing 3/4 years ago when i was at my worst so she knows all about how i am "wired". i still see her now because i have further issues to contend with, but i am over my depression.

i wont lie to you PJ, it does take an awful lot of hard work, and it takes a long time too to get out of this. it took me up until early this year to get out of mine (so that makes itabout 3 years for me) but you have an advantage...you have this place, PC. you are able to talk whenever you get down, all i had was 50 mins a week. in between these sessions i had nothing, or no one. you have the advantage, i juts hope you make the most of it.

my family didnt ever see how low i got, i hid in my room for months on end, afraid to leave my house, afraid to speak to anyone. i was a wreck. but i see it now as a blessing. i know that sounds crazy but to experience something like that and come out of it with aspirations and passion (such as i have) is an incredible thing to know. many here at Pc have been, or are in your situation. you wont find so many understanding people all in one place.

you will get through this with the right help. therapy is the way to go with this. you will be able to discuss witht hem the issues that made you depressed initially, and by targetting the source of your depression will help you emerge from it.

and dont worry about not having friends to turn to, you can build them up after you are feeling so low, its not important right now. niether is depending on your family. i believe we are set this task such as yours, and it determines whether we can survive it or not, and if you do you will be so strong inside afterwards.

please know i am here for you anytime, i know exactly what you are going through and id like to help you, if youd let me. pm me if you want to ok.

take care of yourself and try to get to go to the doctors. or research therapists on the internet in your local area, you might not even need to see your doctor if you find a therapist.

i hope you stay well and safe. go with whatever feelings you havem its all natural. just embrace it, however it is. you will see the other side of this, i promise. i know first hand.

blimey, my reply is longer than your post lol. sorry about that.

simon