Oh where to begin. My husband just filed for divorce after 15 1/2 yrs of marriage. I don't blame him it was all my doin. We married when I was 21 an he 19. He took my 2 oldest kids as his own but I didn't know how to be a wife. He had me on a pedestal I was far from perfect . I didn't give what he needed and I couldn't love him like he wanted. I was damaged. Sexually abused at age 5 . I hurt him. We hv 2 kids together. It's been up and down. He wasn't the greates husband either he became an instant dad . To me he was more of a father type scolding his kids when he wanted to talk to me. I could never be the real me around him I didn't know who I was. But after 9yrs of being married I found my old HS sweetheart not intending to so anything just to see how he was. We started off just how's life kids spouses .. We talked but I nvr told my husband . One thing turned to another and we ended up having and emotional affair . Even when we got caught I took the blame and suffered the consequences . Not him just me. As time past it continued and continued .. And each time we got caught I took the blame. Be mind that this wasn't sexual all emotional and whey we weren't getting from out spouses. Well after 7yrs of doin this it has all come to and end. My husband files for divorce. Kicked my oldest son out of the house. Told me exactly what I was. Doesn't speak of my oldest son. Didn't buy him a Christmas gift or a birthday gift. Reminds me that he gave me 16 yrs. he always told me that I was sick in the head. And that he gave me everything. As for the other party well he's extremely happy with his wife and I tried to ruin his life and that he never did anything wrong. I've confessed my sins and I'm paying for what I've done . I've tried many if times to take my own life God just doesn't want me. I can't take any more pain.