Hi everybodyishere. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I do have problems with self destructive behaviors but thankfully not drugs or alcohol. Even when dissociated, the brain seems to need to be in control all the time (um, although it sure feels like no control mostly lol). I hope things calm down for you and you are able to figure out what is triggering this to happen. Good luck to you in your journey.