It has gone beyond tears. It is a pain and sorrow in every cell of my body and mind. In my warped thinking I wonder if I could have a near death experience so I can know if he is ok. So we can say our earthly goodbyes.

I need a shower so bad, but I can't seem to move. I see the grief counselor on Thursday that seems so far away. I feel I won't make it , it is much too hard.