I read your whole story just to let you know i care. I really don't know how to treat to it other than you sound very supporting and understanding. I hope you do go to a therapist as it sounds like you have a lot on your plate now, and also your wife. Maybe your brother will get the drift if you just mention that you are overwhelmed and confront him on that issue if possible. i will pray for you maybe you can find an interest your brother likes to talk about you can bring it up for conversation.